The Resistance To Personal Evolution in a Group Setting

becoming more commitment comparative theory group work life coaching thoughtwork Feb 04, 2023

The Resistance to Group Work (And Everything)

Sometimes I hear feedback about why people don't join group coaching circles or invite others to join them. I want to share different perspectives and how the raw, real human factor of a life coach group and the connections we create could far outweigh our mind's drama, quirks, fears and hang-ups. 

Our fear that our messy life is too messy for us (and a group to deal with):

"I want to join this life coach group, but I find it hard enough to deal with my crazy sh#Q$#t, let alone share it with others." 

Me: Truth. It's courageous to look at our life and get honest with what we know in our hearts needs to change. In coaching, we start with forming a vision of where we are currently and creating a path forward to close the gap. We start with our mindset, thoughts, and patterns, deal with backed-up/unprocessed feelings and see how this combination can hold us back from moving toward our vision. 

As a coach, I create a safe container for all our flavours of what we perceive as crazy shit, which is all NORMAL, and share how we can drop off the crazy shit baggage. Together, we can peek inside and see that all of us share the same desires essentially; to be loved, seen and heard and live well! Whatever Well means to us! And we all have to go through the fire of life's beautiful and painful design. A group like this provides a refreshing remembrance of our shared human experience. This is the long way to say that you also don't have to share. You can hold space for others and quietly unpack your brand of crazy. 

Our fear of being exposed:

2 . "I care a lot about what people think, and I don't know if I could show up and drop the mask in a group setting. 

Me: I admire that knowing — caring what others think is a natural mechanism we all employ to survive. And often, that mechanism is on overdrive and holds us back. When we begin to see how caring about what others think to the point where it becomes a roadblock to our growth, development and dreams, we can start to shift it. I coach a whole lot on THIS! 

3. "Sari, there could be a potential client/customer/my next boss in the group, and airing my dirty laundry and mindset obstacles is not the impression I want to make."

Me: Yes! The world is smaller than we think! Participating in a life coaching group expresses a desire and willingness to grow and expand from where we are now. Evolution is a human need and natural! Everyone wants to work with people with a growth mindset; it's attractive, transparent, and where we are going as a human race. 

 The lines between work and personal are blurred now, and I think for the better because how we show up for one area is TRULY how we show up for all areas. There is only so much falsification that will survive. 
No one human is immune from hard times. It's something we all share.

4. "Who's in the Group? Do I know anyone? I don't want to know one single person! I'm not inviting friends in either, as It's easier to be vulnerable with strangers who don't have a preconception of you. 

Me: My view is similar to the previous answer, but I want to get micro and then expansive. When we sincerely begin to release caring about what others think of us (it's a fierce practice, and we do a lot of this in coaching) and stay in our lane to live our truth, we become so powerful! 

 Know this:::: People are too busy thinking about themselves 99% of the time, and the 1% of the time they give you some thought/judge/comment about what we are doing, it's for a hot minute, so fleeting it barely registers for THEM…. but can send us to a therapist's chair… for years! 

Secondly, building on stats and truth, WE are NEVER really 100% sure of what others think of us. However, we funny humans spend a lot of time constructing our life with the hope that the self (and life) we show the world translates EXACTLY HOW we intend. 

Sorry to bust your perfectly curated filtered staged, zenish, green smoothie-coated, muscle flexing, hairsprayed, sparkly bubble. 

We, humans, are not so stupid. We go through what you go through. 
We all get up with bad breath and bad hair, experience stress, get cravings, have hardships, fears, doubts, and the list goes on. 

Lastly, experiencing growth and expansion with friends deepens relationships. You get emotionally naked with them and realize you all have the same parts, just different sizes, shapes and colours. :) You are now bonded at a whole other level. As Brene Brown says, " Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, and belonging. Vulnerability is our most accurate way to measure courage. Vulnerability allows them to assess fearlessness, and we can measure how brave we are by how vulnerable we're willing to be." Sharing transformative experiences is the most stunning gift you can ever give someone.